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Marni welcomes speaker, author, self-described change junkie, Monica Berg into the Dating Den. Monica is the Chief Communications Officer of the Kabbalah Center. Her books, Fear is Not an Option and Rethink Love are guidebooks for those who desire transformation in their relationships and life. During this episode, she shares how knowing what we want for ourselves can help us to have better relationships and to make deeper connections with those we love. 

 

Key takeaways from this episode: 

  • How to accept and adapt to change
  • Learn your fighting style
  • How to have compassion for your partner
  • Figure out how to be clear about what you want for yourself

 

Relationships Aren’t Stable [3:58]

 Relationships are meant to grow and get better every year and it’s all about perspective, says Monica. Even during quarantine, when we may be with our partners for 24-hours a day, she believes this is a great opportunity for us to look at the state of our lives and how we are living. Before the pandemic we all had the luxury of escape by going shopping or out for drinks with a friend. Now, we should take stock of the things we love about our lives.

In her book, Rethink Love, Monica notes that relationships are not stable. There are supposed to be ups and downs, she says. Fighting is important in a relationship because it shows that you care and are passionate about it. 

Where people get stuck is that they have different fighting styles. If they are different they need to find one that works for both of them.

 

Rethinking Change [5]

 We need to have a healthy respect for change because change is the only constant. In relationships there are two distinct personalities involved. This can add fun, opportunities, and excitement. But this also means there are a lot of differences. Take fighting styles for example. What kind of fighting style was each person exposed to when they were a child? How has that influenced their fighting style?  

Each person should look at what they want in their life. What is currently working and what is not? Monica recommends getting clear about what it is that you really want for yourself. Then create a To-Be list and a To-Do list. 

  1. Be intentional
  2. Be flexible
  3. Do remove the ego
  4. Be curious about your partner
  5. Do carry yourself with integrity

When fighting goes wrong you add a lot of hurt into a relationship.

 

Emotional Intelligence [22:27]

Emotional intelligence is the ability to manage your emotions and those of the people around you. Many of us don’t realize how our emotions affect other people. But, when you value someone and love them at their core you will find ways to have compassion and be generous. 

 

If you are stuck in a relationship, go back to friendship. Forget about it being romantic and what your traditional roles are. Think about how you treat a friend and are you treating your partner in the same manner. 

 

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