Marni welcomes Man Panelist Chris Gillis back to the Den to discuss the fine art of getting the right kind of guy to notice you, the do’s and don’ts of texting, and the problem with playing manipulative games.  


Key Takeaways: 

  • Getting a guy to notice you
  • How to be feminine and direct
  • Men’s fears about asking you out
  • Texting do’s and don’ts
  • Giving a clear message to the right kind of guy
  • Asking him out without damaging his ego


The Fine Art of Getting a Quality Guy to Notice You  [4:41]


The men of Marni’s Man Panel say it’s just as scary to approach women as it was 20 years ago. But now, they are worried about being perceived as a predator in addition to fear of being rejected. 


Chris thinks they may be using these fears as an excuse. Men require a certain level of confidence to go after what they want. If you don’t know how to do something, like asking a girl out it makes it easy to default to apathy. 


Guys who are the most worried about being a predator are the nicest, least predatory guys. It’s the guys who don’t care about offending a woman that end up getting all the attention. It’s frustrating to see. 


So, what can women do to give a clear message to the right kind of guy when they want him to ask her out?


Chris says there is an art to putting yourself in the way of a guy. He says men love to grab something for you or to do little things that make you happy. Ask him to pass you a napkin. Or, maybe he needs to pass by you to get his beer? Make it impossible for him not to bypass you. 


It is feminine to engage in a conversation. It’s vulnerable to ask for help. A good guy will do it. Men are scanning all the time looking for clues women are interested.  


Ladies, turn up your game by smiling at him, play with your hair, and laugh at his jokes. Make it obvious. 


The Lowdown on Texting [13:09]


How are women supposed to know if it’s ok to initiate a conversation via text? When is it crossing the line? Will it be perceived as too masculine or too assertive? 


Marni is in the old school camp when it comes to texting. If you have started texting with a guy but it’s not continuous make the intention of why you are texing clear. Men want things to be clear.


Chris says things are different today. Dating apps can lead to a slew of messages. If you think a guy has possibilities, it’s ok to throw out an idea via text. Guys egos are huge. They need to believe they are hitting on you. even though a woman is slowly capturing them. They want the girl to be the prize. They want to tell their friends how badass they are. 


Throw a softball. You get one free text message to see where it goes. 


Chris says guys hate the ‘who is this?’ reply when a girl clearly has the name and number saved in her phone. Guys get it all the time when they have waited a little too long to respond. If you play the ‘who is this?’ game you will get the guys you don’t want.


If your guy isn’t into you because you respond to text messages when you are able he’s not your guy. And, he shouldn’t wait 4-days to text you.  If there are more than 2-day gaps in between his texts he is not your guy. 


We All Make Mistakes [30:47]


It’s easy to forget that we all have our flaws and our triggers. There is no need to play games. There will be natural tension in dating just because we are human. Unless you are looking for a guy who lacks confidence or needs validation, give him a break if he makes a mistake. Men don’t get a manual either. 


When we act from our adult selves we come from a need-less place. 


Ladies, remember men may be in their own evolution. Make it easy for men to pursue you by being open, direct, feminine. 


Men just want you to teach them the right way for them to love you. It allows the feminine part of you to be present. 


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