Photo Credit: Sammie Vasquez, Unsplash.com

Just recently, while packing all my stuff, I found a plaque I painted with my kids for Mother’s Day one year.

I’d requested to paint it together with them as their present for me.

The plaque says “Welcome to the Can Do family” and it was hanging by the entrance to the garage. Initially, I hung it on the front door, but received many complaints from my kids that it was too embarrassing.

I was hoping that it’d be a part of instilling the sense that, in this family, we live our dreams and do things in spite of being scared.

When my daughter was little I remember an episode at the zoo where she was really scared of crossing a bridge made of rope. She always used to yell out “I CAN’T DO IT!”

So I stomped across the bridge ahead of her and sang “I can do it! I can do it . . . I can do it . . . Yes, I can!” At the time she rolled her eyes at me and walked across (she was two).

Somewhere along the way, I believe it worked. She’s a very determined lady today.

Just a short time ago, I had a conversation with my son, relaying how scared I was of leaving my steady income and relying fully on coaching. I told him that I finally got to the point of being so tired of being scared that I decided to do it anyway.

Of course, it was also a great question from a good friend and coach that really flipped the switch.

I told her that I was applying to nursing jobs out of fear because I was afraid of not making enough moneyand her magic question was:

“That’s the deeper story about who you are, if that’s true?”  WOW! That opened up a whole can of worms.

I discovered that if that’s true:

  • then I don’t really believe in myself,
  • I don’t believe in what I want to teach,
  • I’m just waiting for proof that I’m not really worthy,
  • I’m just playing it safe, and
  • I’ll never teach what I want to teach, because I haven’t tried it and lived it.

Holy shit!

Well, this is where coaching is REALLY a necessityeven when it’s in the shape of texting while making dinner.

There are many points to this, but essentially it comes down to role-modeling the behavior and not being scared on behalf of your kids, but standing on the sidelines watching and supporting and having faith that they can fix whatever mess they find themselves in.

One way I know this is because that’s what I’ve done on a smaller scale throughout the years, and the response from my son to my predicament with going all-in with coaching, sounded something like this, “Of course you’ve decided to go all-in. You have to. There’s no other way.”

I was really kind of blown away that he actually connected the dots and knew why I had to, but also that he thought of me as this Wonder Woman who can do whatever she sets her mind to.

In Susan Jeffers book, Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway, she offers several truths that would be valuable to relay to your kids as you learn and live them:

  • The fear will never go away as long as you continue to push your own boundaries and reach beyond your comfort zone.
  • The only way to get rid of a fear of doing something is to go out and do it.
  • The only way to feel better about yourself is to go out and do it.
  • Not only are you going to experience fear when in unfamiliar territory, but so is everyone else.
  • Pushing through fear is less frightening than living with the underlying fear that comes from a feeling of helplessness.

Above all else, the point is:

If you knew you could handle anything that came your way, what would you possibly have to fear? Nothing!

What you have to do to diminish fear is to develop more trust in your ability to handle whatever comes your way.

The mantra would be, “Whatever happens to me, given any situation, I can handle it.”

How do you teach your kids this skill?

  • By not jumping in to save them and handling their problems for them
  • Teach them that when you make a decision, there’s no wrong decision, only an opportunity for learning, and you can be there to walk them through it
  • Helping your child claim their power by taking responsibility for all their actions and words, and change their focus from feeling like things are happening TO them to that they are happening FOR them. You can be there to point it out when they can’t see it
  • Try to incorporate the attitude that your kids aren’t failures if they don’t make it, they are a success because they try
  • You can teach that giving from a place of love instead of expectation has less attachment to the outcome and is thereby less fear-producing

 

Sofie is a Certified Professional Coach, children’s book author, world traveler, pediatric nurse and mother of two.

Her passion’s to help empower children to lead whole-hearted, passionate, and fierce lives and to help parents really own their role as a leader of their family so they can empower their kids and have a life of joy and connection.

Have you ever wondered how different your life might have been, had your parents known how to empower you to follow your heart and inner guidance, to live with integrity, take risks worth taking, believe in yourself, choose love over fear, have self acceptance, set goals and intentions, and work towards your dreams and desires with passion and grit?

You can do this for your child, partly by incorporating these ideas in your own life.

If you think you might want to work with Sofie you can check out her page or schedule a free discovery session.

You can also check out her picture books, helping children prepare for medical procedures.

Follow her on Facebook where she’ll give many free offerings and tips and ideas on parenting and how to empower children.

 Photo Credit: Sammie Vasquez, Unsplash.com