Photo Credit: Jens Lelie,

When you two make decisions, does one of you expect to win? That means one of you has to lose.

When you make decisions together, do you become rivals? If your partner’s strength is logic, and yours is intuition, do you spend time beforehand lining up facts so that you can fight using your partner’s weapons?

In iPEC’s chart of energetic self-perception, losing and winning verbal fights usually happens in levels one and two. We can access all seven levels, but we usually spend more time and energy in the level where we feel comfortable now. In levels one and two, “making decisions” can easily become “starting arguments.”

No one wants to lose all the time.

At level one, people feel that whatever happens that they didn’t want to is someone else’s fault, and no matter what they do, they won’t be able to change it. They behave the way victims do.

People at level two might generally respond to situations they think are threats by fighting. They act as if they’re under attack, even when people around them don’t understand why. So when they make decisions with a partner, they can easily feel threatened if the other person doesn’t agree with them. They’re in conflict often, sometimes even with themselves.

Do you want to try something else?

There’s a way to make decisions, called “consultation,” that begins with the idea of letting go of the fear of being attacked and opening yourself to inspiration from the Universal Force.

Do these two processes first and it’ll be possible to leave the rivalry behind.

You two could sit together and begin making a decision — even a little decision — try this:

  1. Ask for help to listen to each other and speak the truth about your feelings.
  2. Speak without any ulterior motives or anger and allow your inner happiness to come to the surface. You might have to sit quietly and breathe deeply for a few minutes.

Don’t start until you feel relaxed (and even happy!).

Four Steps to Happily Making Decisions Together

1. Define the problem.

Take turns for a specific amount of time. One of you should listen with the heart as well as the head without interrupting the other one.

The one who’s speaking should address the problem using “I” statements if necessary. Example, “I feel you don’t think I’m important when you assume I’ll take time to do what you want but you don’t do that for me. That’s why I don’t want to help you prepare your speech. I don’t have time to take care of everything for myself and half of the things for you.”

2. Seek out the truth.

Detach yourselves from whatever ideas you come up with, so all the ideas belong to the table, not to either of you. Then, if an idea is rejected or amended, it’s the idea, not the person being rejected or amended.

Gather relevant facts.

3. Open yourselves to brainstorming solutions that can make the situation better than it was (even eliminating the problem for the future).

4. Make a decision that creates new possibilities.

People at energetic self-perception levels five and six behave this way when they make decisions.

People at level five see opportunities everywhere instead of problems and refuse to participate in situations where everyone won’t benefit. People at level six see the needs and desires all people have in common and focus on unity.

This way of making decisions works in businesses as well as relationships.

You can make decisions AND be happy together!

Photo Credit: Jens Lelie,