Photo Credit: Gianandrea Villa,

We’re all connected.

We’re all related in some way–whether by the fact that we’re all energy (in our most basic form)–or perhaps we’re related by blood, marriage, or common interest.

Our lives are filled with relationships and connectedness.

And it’s these relationships that get more attention this time of year. For example, perhaps our relationships with strangers slide to the forefront when we donate or give.

Having relationships is inevitable. How we consciously manage our relationships takes work.

Because of family, traditions, habits, and unconscious beliefs–many of our relationships persist (sometimes past their due date). This is neither good nor bad, but I invite you for a moment to simply consider your relationships. Especially the ones that are persisting yet feel static, stagnant, or perhaps lack mutual benefit.

Emotions tend to flow more easily this time of year. I mean, why would I bring up the topic of old, stuck, stagnant relationships now?

Because I want to remind you that you have a choice. You have the power to look closely at the relationships you keep in your life and ask yourself,

Am I getting what I want from this?

What was the original reason for starting this relationship?

And, again, I’m not talking just about people. I’m talking about your environment, commitments, habits, work, hobbies, clothes, cars . . . everything! Everything that’s connected to you and your life.

I’m sure that specific examples are already coming to mind for you. And if not, that’s totally fine! Because, ultimately, here’s my point:

What would it take to end a relationship that’s no longer serving you?

Tough question, I know. I faced this exact question recently which resulted in a powerful and painful experience. We let go of a family pet whom we loved dearly. While she was full of personality, we realized that she didn’t fit in our family dynamics anymore. It wasn’t a win/win. We took a long hard look at how much we poured into the relationship and what we got in return; and with extremely heavy hearts, we realized that our energy was drained and that we’d all benefit from her having a different home.

Now, think of your relationships (again, with ALL things, including people) like a pond. A pond is healthiest when there’s an inlet that brings in fresh water, and an outlet that allows water to flow out and towards the next phase of its journey. If either the inlet or outlet is blocked, damaged, or nonexistent, what happens? Stagnation! The pond gets stale and unbalanced.

How much are you allowing new relationships to flow into your life?

How much are you allowing old relationships that no longer serve you to flow out of your life?

I argue that we’re better at letting IN relationships than we are at letting GO. It’s so hard to let go of something that has meaning. Relationships are often personal. Yet we hold onto them because of the investments we’ve already made, the hope for change (towards a more win/win experience), or because we’re not even conscious of how they no longer serve us in the first place.

However, it’s critical that we lean into the fears about ending relationships that are resulting in stagnation. Because when we do, guess what? We create SPACE.

Space is critical.

It allows us to invite new relationships into our life. Even a super simple example such as clothes. How many clothes are you holding onto because they came from an important time for you? Likewise, how many of those same clothes are worn out, out of style, or don’t even fit? It can be tough to let them go, but when you do, you create space. This isn’t a “hole,” per se . . . it’s more like an invitation. You put an invitation out to the Universe to allow a new relationship (yes, even with clothes) to flow in–which otherwise wouldn’t have happened.

New relationships bring new experiences and new experiences bring new growth.

You have the power to consciously lead your growth based on how much you allow OLD relationships to move on and invite new relationships into your life.

Endings and beginnings happen every day. It’s a natural process in our world. Learn to let go. Learn to feel the emotions (even the ones that cause tears) by letting go.

And learn to be open, curious, and excited about what new experiences gently flow into the pond of your life, being, and energy.

Crossing the TEA’s

Now, let’s check out the energy levels behind these Thoughts, Emotions, and Actions:

Low-Energy TEA:

  • Thought: I need to keep all my relationships, or letting go of outdated relationships is too hard.
  • Emotions: Powerless, Victimized, Resentful, Insecure, Fear, Doubt
  • Actions: Stagnation by keeping the status quo

High-Energy TEA:

  • Thought: I allow relationships that no longer serve me to move on and invite new relationships to flow in.
  • Emotions: Open, Curious, Excitement, Sadness (It’s important to remember that sadness may still occur even when letting go.)
  • Actions: Consciously review key relationships in your life and look at them from other perspectives. Then, create space by letting go where you decide and invite new relationships to emerge.
Photo Credit: Gianandrea Villa,